If you book SE Asia travel use them, food actually looks and tastes food, staff are nice and it’s so comfortable! The connecting flight was interesting as it was 40% full and I had a row to myself and even made a “mini Marv bar” from all the mini drink bottles I got throughout the flight!

First 24 hours in Bangkok

Well I first get here and I’m already out partying and causing trouble, I meet Sage who shows me around Khao San road, it resembles the Inbetweeners movie trailer but with Thai people instead! We sip on a pink bucket of Sangson “whiskey” and ginger. Be warned if you like your whiskey or rum, avoid this drink!

We get a taxi to the gay district and I have to say it was actually pleasant and I’m welcomed by loads of people which were nice. We then bump into a group of travellers from Wales in a bar called telephone (I think)! As usual, I clock my eyes on the fittie although it’s just him and 2 girls, and I instantly click with the mad pretty girl who ironically is called Amy, I can’t escape my drunk Amys! We chat before Sage and I head to a club called DJs which is £3 entry with a free drink, and it’s like fire in Vauxhall, but sweatier and the cliental is obviously different, I’m actually one of the pretty “muscled” clones for once.

Anyway, after a few drinks, Sam goes and I stay and end up singing this welsh guy who I swear was as much trouble as his friend, as he gave me the brush off even though we snogged for ages, but oh well I have ladyboys to get affectionate with!

Taxi home and a solo nightcap...

Wake up at 1pm oops, already 4 behind on schedule, but within 60 mins the following happens: I’m assaulted in the street again by a scorpion seller! (Seriously why?!?)
A fortune teller grabs me, gets my fortune, I’m lucky and open-hearted but that’s my downfall, clearly, he’s never met me, completely the opposite! He did guess my age and lucky number! I out-scam a tuk-tuk scammer, who takes me to my temples and as soon as he changes the route and ends up at the first “shop” I then don’t buy a thing and get him to take me near my next place before the next shop, and have an argument with him and get out of tuk-tuk of deception and death and walk to my route and don’t pay a thing. Take that dodgy Thai boy!

I then walk around near the Vimanmek Museum: (http://bangkokforvisitors.com/vimanmek ), head to the Dusit zoo for a while, loads of animals and my first time seeing a lemur and camel 

Since I have no transport now, I walk at least 2/3 miles from north end of town to south and see quite a bit, it’s actually quite nice walking through the main town and going through the residential areas, so run down but surprisingly refreshing, no mobile phones, no troublesome teens, etc! 

People are so nice, that they even have people waving to me in the street and had a group of girls invite me in a shop to pick and make flowers, they clearly know what I’m like from first glance… Homophobes!

Anyway back at my hotel called Top Inn, kind of an ultimate budget hotel for dummies!

TRAVEL TIPS SO FAR:

• Book emirates or any airline that doesn’t involve you paying for your luggage. They always work out more expensive and they are dodgy as f*ck, you will have to get out and push the plane if you’re not careful.
• Use your wits and out-scam scammers, if it's TOO cheap to be true, it's just a scammer's dream. 
• Don’t book “Top Inn” (even it sounds like a dessert resort or a gay sexual advance) unless you are desperate and want to shower while on the toilet (yes it’s that close).
• Visit Dusit Zoo – it's free, some sections you need to pay for but only open during peak season. www.zoothailand.org

Marwin Vs Bangkok

Ok for the past 48 hours I have learnt the following things about myself, Bangkok, and life in general
I’m smarter / more devious than I thought – a woman comes up to me and hands me 3 bags of corn and says they are good luck, I empty 2 bags on the floor for the pigeons and another woman comes up to me and says you need to pay 200 baht (£4) for the bags, I reply “I have no money and not used all the bags yet” so with the last bag I walk past the woman and “drop” the bag and disappear in a flurry shadow of pigeons! So the bags were lucky after all!
Marwin 2 – Bangkok scammers 0 (ain’t no one got time for dat!)

Bangkok is beautiful – both historically and culturally, even though the upper and eastside are modern, they still remain intact and spiritual, even I had a little prayer, “may I never meet another wanker” which was my prayer/wish. Local people are helpful and fun – yes I’ve even managed to chat, laugh, and flirt here with no problem………. TRAMP!

Thailand is cheap – that’s all, £3 for a meal and drink, take that Wagamama!

The western world is lucky and spoilt – the fact we’ve not suffered major natural disasters, recent wars (unless you count the war on drugs but most of us are pro-choice on that), and poverty we still whinge if a modern convenience is not operating i.e. smartphone, try being here squatting over a hole, with no Wi-Fi and flies in your Pad Thai!
Overnight trains are the best – you get to drink, look at the scenery and not have to move from your seat when someone makes your bed, bad side: the toilet looked like it was made in the 1890s, just a steel hole onto the tracks - BLEURGH!

Hostels out rule Hotels – it’s cheaper, you meet more people, it’s surprisingly cleaner and the bar is more diverse not just rich gormless tourists and business brats! Already enjoying the sights, well the guy opposite me in the dorm room!

Just to contradict myself for the last few paragraphs, you can have a fancy movie like date – didn’t think it would happen to me but I actually had a date which basically could have been in a rom-com, got chatted up while waiting for a tut-tut, taken on a motorbike (1st time ever), cocktails in a swanky high rise restaurant, cake in a quirky cafe (themed on Alice in wonderland) and taken to a very exclusive looking pad by a French man who looked like the love child of Heath ledger and jay Kay from Jamiroquai.

The cultural differences are apparent outside Europe – so for the first 4 days I’ve been alone in some sense, I’ve spoken to people but no new Facebook or phone friends, even when sat in the bar, everyone was sitting in their nationalities or friend groups, since I’m the only gay black man for miles, I had a table to myself, if my Samsung was white covered it would have sat on the other table it’s that segregated! Despite point 7 I still make friends – hello hostel friends or is that: hostile friends eek! My raw animal sexual magnetism only attracts, women over 40, teen girls (and boys) weirdos aka twinks and now ladyboys – just call me “Bond, Black Bond”

Anyway ladies and gents, hope you enjoyed this read, the travel plans have hit a bit of a hitch as my flights are being changed so only spending 2 more weeks in SE Asia so missing some stuff off so it’s now, Thailand islands (2 days), Malaysia (2 days) Singapore (3 days) Vietnam (4 days) and Thailand for a day before heading to AUSTRALIA! But, I wasn’t even meant to be in SE Asia really so this is just a bonus!

Travel Tips – when travelling overland, the train is the best, only £21 from Bangkok to Krabi or straight to Singapore is £45 that’s same day cost as well, yes 3 countries for £45, whatever first great western!
When in Krabi expect to be hustled from one bus to another and then charged £1-2 for transfers (even though the transfer from the train is free), be careful who you book with!

Krabi's best place to stay is called Pak Up Hostel, nice, snazzy, and with fun staff, plus cheap drinks! If you need to change flights with STA be warned, you have limited availability during August- October, after my September flight to Oz the next flight was the end of October and was an additional £163, uh HELL NO!

If you are black and flying solo, prepare for a lot of stares from locals and tourists alike, yay!

Peace out, happy hour is calling - BLEURGH!