Well, I saw my “uncle” and his family, so this section is going to be quite tame in terms of my usual mad antics!
Firstly Singapore is spectacular, I know I should be travelling and roughing it but who cares, I had a proper shower, clean bed and Singapore is very western, more American than any other civilization, there was even a Wendy’s there, which is basically the “Wimpy” of America!

My first night consisted of going to the local eatery which was amazing especially since I didn’t eat on the train from Kuala Lumpur, so a Tesco horse burger at that time would have been a gourmet meal!

I instantly order chicken wings and beer, I have no shame.

According to my “cousin”, it’s the best place for food; most of the restaurants in the centre and harbor are catered for tourists and the super-rich! Funnily enough, the family I stayed with had a huge debate on what I should eat, it was quite amusing seeing a family crumble under which dishes I should try. Who cares just give me chicken, noodles, and a beer and I’m anyones!

After eating I chilled out and then my “Uncle” and “Auntie” took me to for a drink which in their family means more food, I had this weird cheese/omelette/naan beard (I will get the real name for this soon) served with curry sauce, it was the best!! During dinner pt2, I got some dirt on my dad about his teenage years and dating, so Tlowe watch out, this is going to be the funniest eulogy, I mean uh 60th birthday speech ever!!!

Oh if you are wondering why I keep saying “Cousin” and “uncle”, technically I can’t say names, unless I want to get sued for slander and also they aren’t family but they are just as mad as the Lowes & Wilsons, so it’s all gravy!

Day 2 was full-on Japanese posing and clicking tourism, my “cousin” took me to the flyer which is situated at the south-central/marina side of the town/country, which is basically the London eye but taller but Singapore is probably 50% the size of London. When we were looking out, you could see Malaysia in the distance as you could see the whole of Singapore at 40% on the way up! Took some good shots of the F1 setup since it was about a week before the main event and that cheeky Bajan bitch RiRi was playing that week too.

Following that, we went through a shopping mall that could put both Westfields to shame, so much overpriced crap there it was unbelievable but we did laugh at the fact they were having a film premiere there but it was for an oriental (Asian) James bond, I want to make a “small eyes target/ bad driving” joke here but I won’t!

Next was the botanical gardens, we stuck to the forest garden as the flower one was meant to be boring and this one had a waterfall as well, my poor “cousin” every single place we have been to was high platformed or just high, she’s not good with heights!

We then proceed to the mall again to have a look around and headed to the main town, which was like Vegas but with less character and more shops.

Now, this is the best bit as I read about it and I now have a love for animals all of the sudden, I went on a NIGHT SAFARI! Yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds, all the same stuff you do in a Zoo but at night and things really do bump and smell at night!

There was a show which was funny in parts but mostly freaky when random animals and trainers walked in aisles and they picked random people to hold fruit; One unfortunate anorexic looking Japanese tourist had a boa constrictor wrapped around his neck and the lights went out with the snake still on him, uh oops! (It was part of the show) Whatever you do, don’t sit in the middle lanes, and on the end, the presenter spent a lot of time staring at me (FREAK!) and most of the animals walk past you or climb above you, I felt a tail tickle my neck, eek!

The actual tour was ok; most of the “nocturnal” animals were the same ones you see in the daytime zoo, I went all that way and saw a lion that looked like he wanted a Horlicks and a digestive and lounge around.

HEY SIMBA WAKE THE FUCK UP AND EAT SOMEONE!! JEEZ!!

Afterward, we headed to gay party central when head to the main area and have a cocktail in a place called “Little Saigon”, if you are lucky enough to see the live show, there is a little woman who sounds like Jessie J, pure talent!

After all that excitement, I was taken out by my “cousin” to the gay area and she reveals herself to be a chain-smoking Lezza, (uh WTF?!?) but it’s the smoking thing I was most distressed about hehe!

Went to a bar which again I seem to have a sign on my head to say “stare at me, unnervingly” but did meet a nice NZ/UK couple who I may have to call upon when I go to Perth.

Got in at 3am after all that fun and then head to the Airport where I stumble across a little place of heaven called Vietnam.

Singapore Travel Tips:

• Just prepare yourself to be in London or Milan but filled with SE Asian and European people, it's no big cultural shock!
• 4D Rollercoaster, Singapore Eye, Botanical Gardens, A Ship on top of a tall tower, shopping stadium, casino, it has it all here if you have the cash.
• Try to aim outside the city and find a food court for proper SE Asian Cuisine
• Night Safari is good but try and get an early show, so you can see some animals before the “Nocturnal” ones put their PJs on – (http://www.nightsafari.com.sg/).