Well it’s been an interesting and eye opening time in NSW, I’ve made friends, enemies; train runs which make London seem advanced, made it into 32″ waist & most importantly had an experience.

As you’ve seen from the past few blogs I’ve experienced and seen things that are different and yet similar to home town, London / Reading aka the extended suburb of London! In all honesty I’ve grown to like it here and some people and places have made this special and I return some have made me despise it as well. I’m currently writing this while sat on a balcony which overlooks the whole CBD and having a BBQ despite rain, I’ve been very lucky.

As I said to someone ages ago “if you told me a year ago, I would be sat here with you in the heart of Sydney, having a wine on an exquisite rooftop bar with a beardy weirdo half naked Belgian, I would have laughed at you”. It’s the strange the things you do when you realise you’ve spent your life drinking away your cash, doing the same routine and stop pushing yourself.

To anyone who may be reading this who have never travelled, GO TRAVELLING! Doesn’t have to be far or expensive just go somewhere you fancy. No Bracknell Coral Reef is not an option.

I don’t think anything prepares you for the highs and lows of having no cash, no idea where you are or sleeping next, and to scare the kids of technology age – having no idea where the nearest McDonald’s is when your battery dies on your phone! So anyone from who couldn’t wait to be a baby cannon, married their childhood sweetheart as soon as the exam results were given or just lived in Argos, get out there! Stop all treats for the kids; get a second job, become a drug mule or whatever you need to do.

As a wise woman once said ” treat yo’ self” (Donna – Parks & Recreation).

Speaking of highs and lows (or Lowes I should pun the phrase), my time here has been awesome but there’s a reason why for the last 2 months I came up with the idea of having ” topics”. I basically got bored and ended up recreating my routine which I had in London, got an easy office job which paid well, lived in house which was seemingly cheap and had “fun*”. Besides who wants to read the below paragraph from a traveller in an exciting, exotic city?

“well after the Melbourne cup, I woke up hungover still fully dressed minus a sock and a half eaten Chow Mein in the bed. Finally got dressed and came in 30 minutes late to work. After a long and painful day, I went for a drink with a date and resisted throwing up on him, from both, the drink from last night and his cheesy grin, end of day……..AND REPEAT”

Exciting? Well a little but that that’s one of the most exciting days and the years of writing situations with a melodramatic sense. Believe me that’s as exciting as it gets other than, a few days out, beach trips and “mind blowing” dates*

Granted I could do more if I had more money and people to hang around with but how am I going to write this inane blog while abseiling the harbour bridge with a flute of Moët in my hand?!

(*again “big” mama is reading this, umbilical cord whiplash will drag me back if I mention anything pass me having a kiss and shandy!)

Anyway, for me personally I just seemed to me like I was in a hotter, sexier yet less cultured version of London. Again before I get lynched by my “friends” who love Australia, I love it too just not in love with it, I can have my opinion about a city, and if it was so bad I would have left by now to be honest. I came here to explore the country and I have no intentions of making a life here. As shocking as that is for some people, you’ll be surprised to know I’ve met Australians here that are surprised I left London to come here, I just reminded them of the crime, aggressive commuters and rain and they soon switched.

So with this blog, I’m now going to head to the aptly named Queensland, ok stop your giggles, I know the irony…….yes ok breath, get over it!

Moving on, I will be heading to Cairns for 3/4 months and possibly Brisbane if I don’t find a job in Cairns. After a lot of thought, opinions from people and looking at my account, it’s clearly relevant I need to save, see more of the country and create a new character……. (I’m just going to leave that open).

So in cairns in will be near the Great Barrier Reef, Port Douglas (oh there’s a Douglas out there I want to port & dock, ACHUM!!) and more spiders! Note someone I worked with said I might need Crocodile insurance, I’m definitely in rural Oz after 3rd March

So people grab anyone near you by the hand, if you are reading this on a computer, tablet, or phone (or print out from work if you’re too poor to own the first three items) and in pray form, repeat after me:

“Dear zombie Jebus, may Marvin Lowe never be dragged off in web cocoon made from a group of huntsman, be swept away in a wave at the reef and may he find a Job as soon as he lands in QLD! Look after him and make sure a banking error at HSBC go in his favour to clear the debt for this trip, thank you & peace out! P.s may you heal that woman from the winter Olympics With the broken jaw!”

To my friends in Melbourne who I can’t name for legal reasons, so code names Mr Heinz and Professor Plum I hope to be in your city again soon.

To Sydney peeps, this isn’t goodbye just yet; it’s just Auf Wiedersehen, Pet!

I will temporarily miss the people I’ve met here and want to continue to see but hey this the problem of being a drunken extrovert/introvert busy body – snap decisions, quick action and away we go (…….AND bend and snap!!)

Anyway I’m here till MARDI GRAS PARTY time. (check previous section for details)

Also I’m writing this while watching embarrassing bodies, some people need to hear this “TREAT YO’ SELF……. To antibiotics, creams and an appointment with a dermatologist”

Thanks for reading, take of yourself and others (I watched Jerry Springer the other day)